Friday, May 25, 2007

Lopsided Observations

It’s 6 in the evening. Damn. I must have slept over. I need to take a piss. I relieve myself in an alien loo. Even my own piss smells different in Delhi. Interesting…

Mami asks me to come down and have something. I realize it then. I was visiting their place for the day. I climb down the flight of stairs. They are two in number. I wonder why I remembered that. Our brain works in fascinating ways you know.

There is something about this city, with its sweaty bus rides and alienating stares, that makes you its own and pushes you away, all at the same time. One loves the charm of the 70s that still exists in bygone lanes. Then there is the new age concrete forest that seems to have sprung out of nowhere. Jazzy restaurants, funky joints, crumbling relics of an era bygone. Moral Police, coochy-coo couples, orthodox papas and mummys - Delhi’s got it all.

It’s not Delhi I want to talk about. It’s the effect it had on me. Or maybe I don’t want to talk about anything in particular. Who cares anyway? Not you I presume. Or else you wouldn’t be here. Getting bored.

I don’t have any idea what to write about. The imagination’s lacking. There are only questions. Loads of them. But I am sure you don’t want any of them. They can get pretty daunting. I am surprised why all of a sudden I have begun to question everything. My ambition, my plans, my path, my nature, and in fact my very personality. It’s as if something came and shook the very foundation my life was based on. Some event. Is it good? Or is it supposed to be catastrophic? You tell me. Okay…. I know these kinds of questions rank topmost in terms of stupidity. When I am finding it hard to answer them, it is next to impossible for you to even comprehend them. No matter how lucid I am.

Is it good to question things? Or is it good to just let them be the way they are? I am very stupid in that sense. I worry about almost everything. I am kinda waiting for a momentous change in my life. A ‘change’ which will ‘change’ me forever – leaving me a better and happier person. How is this change gonna come about? I am clueless.

Fuck it. Go home and sleep. You can not help me. Only that change can. If you are that change, then contact me. I promise I won’t hang up.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Would You Please, Fuck Yourself ?

Profanities, obscenities, slangs, expressions that end up on the wrong side at the wrong time. Here's my take on the issue.

Disclaimer - Mamma's Boys and Modest Girls please stay from this post. It has gross connotations and is certainly not meant to be read by you. Also, chastising comments are a strict no-no and won't be entertained. Only sarcastic profanities are allowed. This one time.

Fuck You! The most obvious choice for the #1 position on our MaxX List. Needless to say, its factotum nature is almost unrivaled in the spoken world. The variety of situations in which it can be used is mind boggling. Get a load of this.

Frustration: Fuck man, she ditched me!
Anger: Fuck you asshole, go fuck yourself!
Desperation: Fuck Fuck Fuck, I still haven't started studying man!
Awe: She's so fuckin' hot dude!
Love: I fuckin' love you so much girl. Don't you see that?

Not to mention the unique characteristic that it can "almost" be the only word in a sentence - Fuck the fuckin' fuckers!

So next time somebody bugs you to no end or you feel disillusioned with life in general, just do it. Use the F-word. In your own unique style. Let the world go and funk itself.

Bhugg Saala 'My' hindi counterpart for our very own hero - 'fuck', this phrase needs no introduction. Can be used to express your frustration with anything bad (read good for others) that happens in life. Be it your profs giving you another dumb assignment. Be it your roomie playing another Ramstein song on high dB. Or be it your frustration with yourself - plain and simple. Also, it can be utilized to shoo away prospective nuisance makers like Bhachar Pratap Singh and Chingari Baadshah.

Chutiya Although, I know this word has several sinister implications, I prefer to use it to refer to any dumb person (read entities like Chintu 'Chutiya' Chingari and John G. Buss) who is most likely to be spurned as soon as you find him approaching your hallowed grounds. So feel free to craft your own definitions and spell-bound others with your creativity. Only sky is the limit.

Kya chutiyapa hai be? One of the most common phrases uttered within the confines of the hostel walls. Once again, the phrase can have certain vulgar implications. But I use my own definition. And I don't care what others think. Use it whenever you don't understand an already solved assignment. Use it whenever you don't get a word what the Prof is babbling about. Use it when you get a D grade. Use it freely. Use it wisely.

Ghanta Just for the sake of modesty (not that I am a gentleman), I'll refrain from discussing the literal implications of this 'ghanta'. Those who are wise can snigger on. OK. Here's the deal. Use this word without any of it's more illustrious mates. That's right.


That's all. Use it whenever you disagree with some wisecrack and think you are smarter. Say "Ghanta", very much like you would say 'Jackpot' and then express your dumb point. It works, well, most of the times.

If you are confused as to why I have put an end to the ever growing list of *beep beep*, it's because this is a public forum. You never know when some over-zealous lawyer will file a case against you for profaning the sanctity of cyberspace, while safely ignoring the porn sites for his nocturnal fantasies. So my lord, I rest my case here. If any of the bachchas wanna know more of the tabooed stuff, feel free to contact me or any of my minions. We'll make sure to enlighten you.

Let there be profanity!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

It Stinks

J. Geils was right. Love stinks. You can dress it up with sequins and shoulder pads but one way or another you're just gonna end up alone at the spring dance strapped into uncomfortable underwear.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Free Spirit

She is the free spirit
Unbridled like the gurgling waters
She is the essence of her very being
Unrelenting like the roaring breakers
She is independence personified
Unfettered by sophomore dreams

She is conspicuous by her difference
Not by the gaudy glamour of beauty
She exudes a strange ethereal persona
Gravitating towards her is so like me
She is the very epithet of femininity
Even though all claim it to be heresy

She is the reason to my confusion
Probably the sole remedy
She is the inspiration for these words
Perhaps the only ignorant being
She is the maverick cause of my problems
And plausibly the only solution I foresee

She is all that I ever wanted
I know she is all that I will never be
She is the missing piece of my jigsaw
In more ways than one she completes me
She smells like the free spirit
And I know that mine she’ll never be