The Episode of the Giant Gila Strut Monsters

Word of Derision – This is NOT science fiction. NOT inspired by dreams, true or concocted.

The very dangerous Kekda Man had been in the dumps for quite a few days now. It’s not that life had been particularly miserable and the subject of pessimistic research. The two suns shone brightly, set even more gloriously, and the half moon bathed the small planet of Dungbucks in a pale white soothing glow. There had even been a few highs. But he tended to ignore the highs which were not too conventional. And hence the dumps and the doldrums. To cap everything else, giant Gila strut monsters seemed conspicuous by their absence in the Boomerang Galaxy.

Exasperated by the monotony, Kekda Man decided to visit the Bugster Cluster in the western spiral of the galaxy. He asked his driver to ready the state of the art aquamarine Clux-5 Star Ship, his latest fad and obsession. The journey itself proved to quite uneventful (with the exception of the boring company of two philosophizing hitchhikers, Wholesome Hole and More of The Moron). Kekda Man was harassed by unrelenting fans as soon as he reached the cluster. But he was in no mood for indulging in stardom. He somehow managed to excruciatingly wriggle away from the mob and it was then that he decided to pay a visit to his friend, Chirkut Lady.

(Aside – Everybody knew that Kekda and Chirkut had voluntarily broken the pact (or more precisely contract) of love that they had entered into. Both of them claimed to be just friends now. To gloat over the details, please go through Love in The Time of Palmistry.)

It so happened that Chirkut Lady was doing some research on boring books at the Jhakaas Institute for Constructive Philosophy. Kekda Man somehow managed to get a ride to the institute (and more importantly escape recognition as well). Reaching the destination, he chuckled to himself and decided to act a bit sly. He smuggled himself into Chirkut’s class and attended the monotonous thing in its entirety, all the time realizing that fighting Gila Monsters did indeed make life simpler. The unsaid became the obvious. Chirkut Lady was quite surprised by the unexpected visitor. She suggested a lunch outing, but Kekda was in the mood for some musing and suggested something utterly rubbish. They bickered for some time and eventually decided to explore the lush gardens (inhabited by the endangered golden langurs), something amiable to both the pseudo-intellectuals.

But all great beginnings seem to have sting in their tails in the western spiral of the galaxy (they have sour endings in the southern spiral). It turned out that a certain Cheekat Aadmi had a crush on Chirkut and he seemed to think that the converse was automatically true. He had been informed of the presence of a prospective competitor by a certain malicious species. He winced at the sight of the two going around in the gardens, discussing the pros and cones of Constructive Philosophy. When he could stand it no more, he went up to Kekda and asked him to stay away from his girl, not realizing anytime that Kekda was very dangerous, even if painfully moronic. Now this quite obviously pissed off Kekda Man. He had had a harrowing day and just wanted some quality time with his friend. He therefore asked Cheekat Aadmi to funk off for two main reasons. Firstly, Kekda Man knew Chirkut Lady had the hots for Bhabhkan Bhai, a fellow constructive philosopher, and secondly, Kekda was just a friend to Chirkut.

The small amount of brains, that Cheekat had been gifted, with went into a hyperglycemic overdrive. He summoned his cronies, which fortunately turned out to be a few giant Gila strut monsters, Kekda’s favorite bad people. However, the evil guys were far too many in numbers for our Kekda. They surrounded him and began to circle him like African tribals doing some obscure ritual. Kekda was in a fix as to whether act like a hero (and a fool) and get bashed up fighting them alone or whether to act smart and shout for help with as much decibels as his lungs could muster. He sided with the latter and paged Bikaji, a well known goonda in the cluster. Bikaji provided illegal muscular assistance on demand. As soon as he got the message, he metamorphosed through time and space and appeared at the scene of goondagiri. That was it. Kekda found his (lost) valor and together with Bikaji, he beat the shit out of Cheekat and all his cronies. But Bikaji was no police and after collecting his 42 Clam shells as payment, he katofied from the place in the blink of an eye. Kekda and Chirkut had no inclinations to prolong the unfortunate incident and with one baneful look at the grossly disfigured Cheekat, they too left the scene of maara-peeti.

Left alone in uncomfortable company in a state of the art aquamarine Clux-5 Start Ship, the twosome felt, quite obviously, uncomfortable. Whispers shared long ago gained fresh perspective. The pact made while indulging in some harmless palmistry became a wound freshly rubbed. Not many had expected them to stick together. Their failure might have sub consciously been influenced by the opinion of the junta on the sidelines. None of them would know. They never gave it a second thought then. Now it seemed too late. Inhibitions needed to be shed once again. Weaknesses needed to be rubbed in. It seemed as if both were too them to allow the other this opportunity. Or were they willing to give it a fresh start? This time with more commitment than a childish agreement. It is only speculated that their silence must have done the talking. Pseudo-Intellectuals have been known to mess things whenever they think and talk at the same time. Reports to the contrary have not been unearthed in any spiral of the galaxy. Well, that’s how a highly predictable episode ended. Kekda confesses his (temporary) love for Chirkut, this time managing to make do without palmistry or any of the sappy stuff. Chirkut reciprocates the feelings, saying that Bhabhkan Bhai was just a rumor her friends had spread in order to tease her. Of course, we have uncovered an entirely different story. But even publishers resort to ethics sometimes. They wouldn’t be humans if they didn’t ;-)

It is said our man and his woman are still together in uncomfortable company. They bicker more often than they agree with each other. But the highs make up in height what they lack in length. We at SleepingTablets hope it’s more than what anyone can ask for.

So long, and thanks for all the monsters.