Renaissance

Dear Bored Reader,

I have been meaning to write something constructive and beautiful for quite some time now. “The drought has lasted long enough”, so said one of my friends. Another acquaintance remarked casually and reminded me of my sabbatical. But I feel helpless right now. The inspiration is just not there. Ideas are lacking and even when they do make an appearance; words find it very tedious to wriggle out of them.

But plunging into the “seas of passion” in search of “wrecks sublime” comes to me in the guise of a compulsion. So just like a mathematician trying to ascertain the reasons and cure of his depression using some abstruse equation; I decided to give my ‘creative poverty’ a run for its money.

The Summer of 2006 was like a dream. The ‘Siddhartha’ in me attained his enlightenment sometime while he was dozing off on his study table. The halo around the Neo-Buddha served its purpose steadfastly for about 4 months. This small period saw an explosion of amazing ideas and tiny grey cells in me. I metamorphosed from an analyzing engineer into a day-dreaming poet. I wrote like a maniac. Loads of stuff. Needless to say, my grades plummeted like a falling meteorite. But as I read somewhere – the juice was worth the squeeze.

The sudden burst of creative inspiration was only aggravated by the fact I spent 6 blissful weeks in the Himalayas. The sight of it all still doesn’t fail to make me nostalgic. I am very certain that the trip helped me evolve in more ways than one. Things that seemed so certain till now, lost ground. Meanwhile, dormant seeds germinated and laid the foundation for radical changes in my thinking. It would only be right to say that a juggernaut has been set into motion. It’s only expected that it will transform a lot of ideals and notions in its wake.

The dream faded into oblivion and so did its repercussions. The old schedule slowly found its way back into my life. The halo which had so faithfully served its purpose; began to flicker and it was not before it went out like a moist fuse. But this time on, there was a longing for all that I was missing. I had begun to see things in a new light and that signified the dawn of a new phase in my thought process.

I questioned my actions and underwent a rigorous self-analysis. Flaws were unearthed and examined with a scalpel in hand. Modalities were discussed in detail and ambitious plans were hatched. But I have a much criticized habit of shelving my time-tables. They continue to grin at me like skeletons in one’s closet. But this time serious effort is being put into scripting an anti-climax. Things are somewhat falling in place. The tower of cards might come down any moment. But there will be the satisfaction of having given it a shot. The very effort has probably changed me. For better or worse, I can not to tell. Maybe you should ask time. It always has some story to tell, some poor soul to ridicule and some unsuspecting audience to bore.

very lovingly yours,
"by whatever name you know me"

What Were You Thinking?

This is what I felt on the 2nd of Jan, 2007 after a ‘sudden’ something happened on a quaint lakhnavi evening. A very personal account of things. So very much possible it is all crap for ya. Just read and you’ll agree!

As a new year dawns the horizon of my life, so do new aspirations, new resolutions, new ambitions and the most important of all, a new hope.

There are several things that keep giving meaning to your existence. You don’t realize how they affect you. It’s amazing. The way these hidden magic moments apparate in front of you like whoosh and rejuvenate you. I smile. I am feeling positively bubbly. At least for some precious minutes I am.

It’s a gargantuan task to pen down my exact feelings for I am ill-equipped for that task. After all, my vocabulary is not that large. But I will try because that is what a writer is meant to do.

Just when I begin to think there are not reasons to make life interesting, something out of the ordinary always happens to make me feel otherwise.

I look back over my shoulder and I see wasted opportunities. But then there are people who have always had faith in me and are proud of all that I am and all that I did achieve in spite of what I consider failures.

There are friends who are like pieces completing the jigsaw puzzle that I am. They inspire me and in some ways I inspire them. They are the ones that keep me going. They make life interesting. They are the ones who continue to have faith in me and will always continue doing so.

There is a lot that’s still left to do and see in this world. And there are a lot of moments that need to be cherished. We must continue trying just to nurture those wonderful moments, if for nothing else.

“It’s foolish to keep harping on the past”, some people say. It might be true or it might not. What is more important is that you keep getting inspired by whatever you have achieved.

One is not successful all the time. Failures will always be there to crush you or make you feel miserable. But then there are people whom you trust blindly, someone whom you love blindly, and friends whom you always rely upon. They are the ones who will keep making you feel special. They will keep you going, no matter what.

So the next time you are down and out, don’t sulk like me. Instead call that pain-in-the-ass friend of yours or the special someone. You will be amazed how the world turns upside down by just talking to them about how miserable things have been. If nothing else works out, read this post of mine and call me up. I promise to sulk with you, if nothing else.

Write to me you dumbo. It always helps. I am not talking about you. I am talking about myself :-)

very lovingly yours,
"by whatever name you know me"