Saturday, September 16, 2006

Decoding Melancholy

I have been thinking about this and many a time I have expressed my thoughts on the subject. It was only tonight that a chance remark triggered a train of thoughts. I tried flagging a red signal to stop the juggernaut mid-way. But to no avail. I kept on doing my work while at the back of head an altogether different thought-process was bugging me. So in the end I decided to put away my books and do what I always try to do in such a situation – pen down my feelings.

This write-up pertains to people like me who somehow got confused about what they wanted and ended up wasting any talent that they had. I was a hard working guy before I came to college. Though the desserts of my labor were not exceptional, they were decent enough to be proud of. But sometime in the first semester, a higher power managed to mess up my brains and everything that I had sought to do, became fuzzier and trivial. I started bunking classes, missing labs and ultimately stopped studying at all – not realizing that at the same time, an uneasiness was creeping into my being. Clambering over the walls of my defenses, this queasy feeling made itself comfortable in my sub-conscious.

I went on with my life, thinking that my restlessness was rooted in something else. So much so that I almost became paranoid and people saw less and less of me. I was often left alone with my musings which often found vent in the form of write-ups like these or poems. But like they say, every dark cloud has a silver lining. I won’t say I have been able to find the solution to all my problems, but at least there is a semblance of one which has made itself apparent to my troubled psyche. Let’s see if the things work out. For the time being I would only like to discuss its pros and cones.

I think it is the guilt of not working hard enough that germinates the seed of restlessness within us. We go about like studs – people who don’t study and still manage to get decent grades. But the crux of the matter is that we can not make do with just decent grades. Maybe (just maybe) we’ll end up with similar grades even after throwing our legs around. But at least the satisfaction of having tried will be with us (Yeah, we may also end up feeling even more miserable after all that). Lost in our world, we discard any normal (read the ones who slug it out) mortals as nerds and muggus - not worthy of our attention. It maybe so, or it might not be. I am not the one who knows. This puzzle is all about ‘mays’ and ‘might bes’. Maybe if we start putting in that extra effort, we’ll end up with that stupid grin on our faces which is so characteristic of content souls. Maybe we’ll do even better the nerds we were so jealous of. Maybe we’ll be gloating just because of the pleasure of having so much to learn and explore. You have to decide for yourself.

ACID TEST: If music starts sounding better when you do something then rest assured that you really are happy.


  1. if there is a thng called telepathy.....its now dat believe in it! wat u hav written sid, is in a number of ways similar to wht i had thgt of writin...newys as usual its a decent eddort n da exp was even better dis time 4 somewher out ther....i cud feel my own mind echoin those ideas...

  2. dude...i tried to echo what ppl like us have to go is for the same reason u find some semblance to ur thoughts here...coz "maybe" u felt the same way at some point of time

  3. i always say this..r world is screwd..i dont kno y studyin is so "uncool" ,if you study you are oh so boring..good grades are worse,u never get to hear d end of it..but u doesnt have to matter...
    whenever i study hard n do well it gives me a pleasant high. i dont bunk classes..people gag when they hear that..oooooooo padhaku n all huh, but i dont care. it doesn't matter wat ppl say
    it never does.realy
    btw gud write up.

  4. ps: liked the name u'v given my link..chandni bumbles..kinda rolls on the tongue mmmmmm

    pps: i'l kill u one day for this word verification.

  5. oye....baba dar gaya!!
    word thingy saves me frm spam...maaf kar de...kuch silly letters hi to likhne hai...
    anyways...didint know u were one of the good u study regularly eh??
    well i am trying my level best to do that...become "unkewl" as ppl wud say..but knw what...i rly want lets see...
    i came....i saw...i didint like it, so i went away....that is how i wud describe my tryst with being one of the coolest
    not being modest apologies

  6. its all abt perspective at d end of the day.....
    ur definition of cool may be very diff from mine or ne 3rd person..dats wat makes us all so i am proud that i am cool in my own way
    heh heh

  7. Sid cmon.....u not crious????? man i hav tasted both lives.....da one of a studious guy...(was a topper thruout ma skl life)(sry, cant be modest:P)
    newys n as u kno me.....
    n i can guarantee u dat dis life is neday better than dat muggin up life!
    hell i missed a pop! my heart will go pop pop pop....
    oh man insems r only 2 weeks away n i havent studied a thng....gimme a brk!
    no genius has been ther who has mastered eductaion, but htey hav mastered learnin,life na lot more...
    p.s. as chandani says...i'll kill u 4 dis wrd wats dis strng 9 letter thng....9 letters??? does dis stupid program thnk i really am frma diff planet:X

  8. guess the word thing has marked o two out.anyways with ur stupid french beard u seem like an alaine to me anyway...coming to the point anyway...
    what do u think i was before i came to college!!
    a bookworm to say the least...and everyone knows what kind of a student i have become..the worst of the worst...but i am not liking it...or maybe i ma not comfortable with it...thr is this strange uneasiness which disturbs me from time to maybe its the same i have said in the write-up...its a puzzle of "mays" and "may bes" can never be one has to throw one's legs around to find what one really wants....god knows....and maybe hes the only person who can help!!!

    arre word verification thingy ke liye bhai log aur behen log plz mujhe maaf kar de!!

  9. first of all its not a frebch berad......n nxt its not at all stupid sophomore sid...

  10. hey pp, its chandni..
    not pl dont put an extra A..=P
    ps: i get only 6 letter word verifications..heh heh gues i shud consider myself blessd!

  11. goodness me.....seriously.....i think ill have to post an article as to why this poor soul committed the heinous crime of introducing the word verification thingy in his comment section....ooohh...its just bcs i hate the spamming that was going on...u shud read the comments on the previous articles...

    "nice site...keep going"
    "hey dude...gr8 work"
    " words!!"

    thr was no end to the crap...

    maaf kar do na yaar....ab pair padoon kya tum logo ke!!

    PS: i cud never even think of commiting the crime of spelling chandni as "chandani"...he he...criously...i wud hv liked to have a dekko at ur face that time...cheerios...ppl like you keep all the things going!!

  12. As u say u echoed much of my feelings..The kind of uneasiness which crept in our life more so due to the home factor does sting to no end..But after all that the constant drudgery of this melancholy routine doesnt call for better.. does it???

    P.S Joined this late but remove this word verification thing...

  13. well dude...i never felt homesick exactly if i confess the truth...but yes...the drudgery surely sucks...try new things and explore new avenues...maybe it well help...after all it is all abe maybes and mays

  14. Man I was not pointing towards home sickness...Rather was talking about the parental advise and talks on our pathetic academic endeavours...I mean all the promises go weak once we encounter this nothingness of this so called life...Did at no point in time u felt abt the words spoken by ur mom or dad add to the uneasiness...