Venus and Venus

The song was slow and melodious. The lyrics profound and abstruse, just the way he loved them. A melancholy singer, who had died too young to prove his mettle, was crooning in the most wistful of voices. The book lay on the bed, untouched and unopened. The bookmark still extruded from the page he had last been reading. In juxtaposition, the novel had been devoured in a fashion that could only be described as ravenous. But then wait. He had not meant to write about songs or books. So should we, if you don’t mind, digress?

Let’s jump straight to the point. The other point if you please. There’s something about girls. There has to be. The way they carry off nonchalance in the most dignified fashion. The way they make spite sound so amusing. The way they can inspire the very notion of infinity. The way they balance the crooked equation of humanity. The way they instigate malice and malevolence in their most sinister incarnations. The way in which they have turned persuasion into an art form, honed to perfection. The way their hair smells delicious after every bath. The way they can make you read the most absurd of letters until your eyes have started to smart. The way they turn dumbness into a hypothetical concept, not worthy of their attention. The way they have led themselves to believe that spotting one bird, instead of two, is just fine. The way they inspire literature and music alike. The way you can be the one to share their most intimate secrets and yet be frighteningly distant from their affection. The way they can be the only overbearing presence in your life and yet make it feel like it’s perfectly normal. The way they can make you remember each and every nuance of the colored rays of a dying sun, a picture perfect ending to the last evening you spent together. The way you go over their old photographs, just to catch a glimpse of the person you now miss. The way their humility teaches you more lessons than one. The way you feel jealous of their manifold skills and yet adore them for the very same reasons. The way their smiles usher in sunshine in the darkest corners of your lives. The way they bring completeness and void in our lives in such extremities that you begin to hate them for that. Yes, they must be having something to them. Something much beyond our limited comprehension. Something special.

Ah girls. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. They can be the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining, or the curse with no cure. They can do black magic and still get away with it.

PS - Certain glaring grammatical errors in this post were pointed out by Kartoon. Have now rectified them (Y).

Paranoia

Lean
Slender
Scraggy
Gaunt
Lank
Gaunt
Flimsy Slim Small
Reedy Spare Rangy
Gangly
Rickety
Scrawny
Pinched
Haggard
Meager
Skimpy
Fine Twigggy Puny

Would You Please, Fuck Yourself ?

Profanities, obscenities, slangs, expressions that end up on the wrong side at the wrong time. Here's my take on the issue.

Disclaimer - Mamma's Boys and Modest Girls please stay from this post. It has gross connotations and is certainly not meant to be read by you. Also, chastising comments are a strict no-no and won't be entertained. Only sarcastic profanities are allowed. This one time.

Fuck You! The most obvious choice for the #1 position on our MaxX List. Needless to say, its factotum nature is almost unrivaled in the spoken world. The variety of situations in which it can be used is mind boggling. Get a load of this.

Frustration: Fuck man, she ditched me!
Anger: Fuck you asshole, go fuck yourself!
Desperation: Fuck Fuck Fuck, I still haven't started studying man!
Awe: She's so fuckin' hot dude!
Love: I fuckin' love you so much girl. Don't you see that?

Not to mention the unique characteristic that it can "almost" be the only word in a sentence - Fuck the fuckin' fuckers!

So next time somebody bugs you to no end or you feel disillusioned with life in general, just do it. Use the F-word. In your own unique style. Let the world go and funk itself.

Bhugg Saala 'My' hindi counterpart for our very own hero - 'fuck', this phrase needs no introduction. Can be used to express your frustration with anything bad (read good for others) that happens in life. Be it your profs giving you another dumb assignment. Be it your roomie playing another Ramstein song on high dB. Or be it your frustration with yourself - plain and simple. Also, it can be utilized to shoo away prospective nuisance makers like Bhachar Pratap Singh and Chingari Baadshah.

Chutiya Although, I know this word has several sinister implications, I prefer to use it to refer to any dumb person (read entities like Chintu 'Chutiya' Chingari and John G. Buss) who is most likely to be spurned as soon as you find him approaching your hallowed grounds. So feel free to craft your own definitions and spell-bound others with your creativity. Only sky is the limit.

Kya chutiyapa hai be? One of the most common phrases uttered within the confines of the hostel walls. Once again, the phrase can have certain vulgar implications. But I use my own definition. And I don't care what others think. Use it whenever you don't understand an already solved assignment. Use it whenever you don't get a word what the Prof is babbling about. Use it when you get a D grade. Use it freely. Use it wisely.

Ghanta Just for the sake of modesty (not that I am a gentleman), I'll refrain from discussing the literal implications of this 'ghanta'. Those who are wise can snigger on. OK. Here's the deal. Use this word without any of it's more illustrious mates. That's right.

"GHANTA!"

That's all. Use it whenever you disagree with some wisecrack and think you are smarter. Say "Ghanta", very much like you would say 'Jackpot' and then express your dumb point. It works, well, most of the times.

If you are confused as to why I have put an end to the ever growing list of *beep beep*, it's because this is a public forum. You never know when some over-zealous lawyer will file a case against you for profaning the sanctity of cyberspace, while safely ignoring the porn sites for his nocturnal fantasies. So my lord, I rest my case here. If any of the bachchas wanna know more of the tabooed stuff, feel free to contact me or any of my minions. We'll make sure to enlighten you.

Let there be profanity!

That Thing You Do

Idiosyncrasies which make me myself.

• I hate it when the small rectangular orange light begins to glow as soon as I switch on my computer. So I make it a point to turn it off asap.
• I like to be meticulous while spreading the table cover over my desk. The border needs to be the same all the way round the desk. It's a different matter altogether if there's no cover to start with (as has become the habit now).
• I hate it when I wake up (already too late), only to find my favorite shower occupied by some other bugger.
• I absolutely love studying (syllabus related crap) or reading (books, wikipedia, yada yada) in the mellow (yellow?) light of my table lamp.
• I don't like messy desks and thus have made it a habit to organize mine every few days or so.
• I adore waking up soooo late into the night and finding absolutely no one to talk to or bore or bug.
• I always end up feeling a bit uneasy when someone criticizes my favourite song or book.
• I try to be as humble as possible but always experience that strange rush that accompanies genuine praise.
• I tend to distance myself from controversies but secretly hope to someday take over the world.
• I have this strange urge to continuously assess myself and analyze my shortcomings (only to fall short of my own expectations yet again).
• I never had a good sense of humour and maybe that is why I always feel a tad uncomfortable when some poor guy is made the butt of all our jokes.
• Have kind of begin to like the adage - "You are with yourself all the time. Better enjoy the company."
• I love the phrase "What If?". It is so potent and the starting point of so many journal entries.
• I try being a realist and romantic at the same time. It's fun to watch the two aspects of me struggle for supremacy.
• And yes, I love eating ice cubes.